


How the Spiders Found out a Killer Clown was Dating a Zoldyck.

by Rainydaysandtiramisu



Series: How Everyone Found out that Hisoka and Illumi were Dating. [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: General Hisoka warning, Hisoka and Illumi are dating, M/M, Nudity, Sexual Content, and the poor troupe finds out one by one, nothing explicit but its still there, this story is filled with personal headcanons so you've been warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 09:24:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7262281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainydaysandtiramisu/pseuds/Rainydaysandtiramisu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Phantom Troupe gather for another heist and it might be their hardest job yet. But that is entirely Hisoka's fault, well maybe not entirely. He has a little help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How the Spiders Found out a Killer Clown was Dating a Zoldyck.

**Author's Note:**

> So I finally began writing it! The sister series to How my Family Found out I was Dating a Killer Clown! This series is set before the events of the anime and can be considered before the events of the first series as well. So to make it short, none of the troupe members have died yet and Hisoka is still technically a member. This series also contains more nudity and sexual content.

“Why are we here again?” Nobunaga questioned as he settled crossed legged onto the floor of the large hotel room. It was posh with expensive looking furniture in rich, dark colors. The entire hotel was fairly empty save for the staff despite having a incredibly high reputation.

“We’re here for a job.” Chrollo offered but Nobunaga shook his head.

“No I got that but I meant why are we here? As in staying in a hotel, we don’t usually have such fancy lodgings.” A number of the other troupe members nodded along seemingly just as confused as the swordsman.

“Hisoka happened to have a contact working here as well who already had the entire hotel rented and Hisoka was able to convince them to let us stay here as well.” Uvogin whistled with an impressed expression.

“Since when does Hisoka have ‘contacts’?” Phinks snipped, arms crossed over his chest. The rest of the troupe effectively ignored the man’s grumblings.

“Where is Hisoka anyways?” Shalnark questioned.

“He was speaking to his contact but he assured me he’d have returned by now.” Chrollo answered, eyebrows furrowed slightly as he stared at the door as if willing Hisoka to just appear.

“What are we waiting for anyways, at least tell us about this job.” Uvogin urged dropping down next to Nobunaga with a loud thud that shook the entire room.

“First Machi needs to fetch Hisoka.” Chrollo explained. Machi’s pushed away harshly from the wall she’d been leaning on, face a mask of angry exasperation.

“Why do I have to go get him?” She demanded.

“Because you are the one most likely to actually get him here without getting distracted or murdering him first.” Chrollo offered, already lowering himself onto one of the expensive couches and pulling a book from his jacket and opening it, seemingly immersing himself in the seconds.

Machi could only stare at Chrollo in shock, waiting for him to tell her it was some sick joke but the man only continued to read peacefully. She shook herself from her stupor before turning around with a loud, agitated sigh and stomping out of the room, she allowed herself to slam the door despite knowing it made little difference to her boss.

Machi huffed grumpily as she stormed towards the door that the attendant had directed her towards. The boss knew how much she hated interacting with the idiot magician, why did he always pick her to deal with him? She could already feel the phantom pangs of the headache she would surely get after talking to Hisoka. She reached the door and took a deep breath praying to some unknown force she didn’t completely believe in to grant her enough patience not to flay the redhead on sight.

“Hisoka, Chrollo wants to speak with you will you come down–!” The words turned to ash on her tongue as she took in the sight before her. Hisoka lay naked, spread across an enormous plush bed. His hands were pinned above his head to the ornate wooden headboard, his palms held in place by golden pins that pierced his palms. Dark rivulets of blood oozing down his wrists and staining the white sheets that adorned the bed. Hisoka was watching her with a casual expression despite his undressed state and the current erection he was sporting. Machi could only stare in horror as the red head lifted a single brow and his predatory grin grew wider.

“Well, well, well Machi. This is a pleasant surprise.” Hisoka waggeld his eyebrows at her and Maki could feel her disgust mix with disbelief.

“Sorry to disappoint you Hisoka but if this was your pathetic attempt to somehow woo me you’re sorely mistaken.” She spat but Hisoka’s amusement didn’t seem to waver with her rejection.  
“Oh Machi, you shouldn’t deny your obvious attraction to me.” Machi felt a vein in her forehead pulse with annoyance. “But unfortunately this,” Hisoka gave his hips a wiggle for emphasis. “Isn’t for you.”

Machi’s mouth opened with sharp bard on the edge of her tongue but a sudden presence behind her caused her to freeze. It was like a dark wave had suddenly enveloped her one but what frightened her most was she hadn’t sensed them even coming down the hall only now with the unknown presence practically breathing down her neck did she become aware. She whipped around, hands already moving to jab one of her needles into a sensitive vein.

But the figure was already brushing past her, for a moment her vision was filled with flowing raven locks before the person had already passed her. She spun on her heel to stare at the man – very clearly a man as he wasn’t wearing a shirt of any sort – who hadn’t given her even a passing glance. He was tall, most likely only slightly shorter than Hisoka with skin so pale it was only a few shades away from being unnatural. He was lithe in build with a slender torso and trim waist but the muscles rippling beneath his skin spoke volumes. He had long onyx colored hair flowing down his back and when he turned she found herself pinned in place by enormous pitch black eyes. The man’s held tilted to the left.

“Who are you?” He asked staring at her blankly. Maki had to suppress a shudder as she forced herself to hold eye contact with the man.

“Machi.” She bite out. The raven haired male nodded as if she had just told informed him of her whole life story.

“Oh Illumi, light of my life, were you able to clear up the misunderstanding?” The man – Illumi – nodded as he walked towards the bed. He slid off the loose pants he’d been wearing, which Machi now realized were most likely Hisoka’s. She blinked in surprise as she was suddenly given a view of the man’s bare ass. He fluidly slid onto the bed and began crawling towards the redhead who was still lounging on the bed and still completely hard.

“Yes, it was fairly easy once I threatened to deform him. He was very compliant after that.” Illumi spoke as he swung his leg over to straddle Hisoka chest. It dawned on Machi that she still had a message to deliver and if she didn’t want to get an eyeful, which she didn’t, she would need to be quick.

“Hisoka,” both men turned to look at her, Hisoka’s eyes glimmered with wicked glee while Illumi’s were curious, he blinked in quick succession for a moment as if still surprised by her presence, not that Machi could blame him. “Chrollo wants to speak with all of us.” She crossed her arms across her chest and took a firm stance to present the finality of the statement.

“Machi, as much as I’d love to heed the call of our beloved leader I am in a rather sticky situation.” Hisoka replied, his smirk screaming of mischief. “You’ll have to talk my love into letting me go first.” The magician turned his eyes back to the dark haired man sitting on his torso who had yet to pull his eyes away from the pink haired women. He watched her thoughtfully for a moment. Machi opened her mouth, already constructing an eloquent and persuasive speech as to why he should let Hisoka go but Illumi cut her off.

“No.” Illumi said then proceeded to lift himself and in one smooth motion sink down onto Hisoka’s hard cock. Hisoka’s face twisted with pleasure as he suddenly enveloped in velvety heat. Illumi threw his head back, his dark curtain of hair fanning out as he began to lift himself once again. It dawned on Machi that they were not going to stop.

Machi couldn’t help the flush that overcame her cheeks and she growled in disgust before turning on her heel and marching out of the room. She didn’t bother to close the door but this didn’t seem to perturb either of the men if the sounds spilling from the room were any indicator.

She stormed all the way back to the room the rest of the troupe were occupying. She burst in, taking little pleasure from watching a few of the members jump in surprise. She then slammed the door hard enough that she could hear the door frame crack. The rest of the spiders stared at her with varying levels of interest; ranging from complete apathy to concerned interest.

“I never want to see Hisoka’s dick again for as long I live.” She growled, glaring pointedly at Chrollo who didn’t raise his eyes from the book cradled in his hands. She stomped over to an empty couch and flung herself down on it.

“Wait you saw Hisoka’s dick?” Phinks questions, disgust evident in his tone. “Why did you see Hisoka’s dick?” A few of the other phantom troupe members were drawing around her.

“How big was it?” Uvogin questioned eagerly. Phinks punched his shoulder, his nose wrinkling in disgust.

“You just want to know so you can compare it your own.” The blonde man said and Uvogin waggled his eyebrows playfully.

“Well so far I’m winning.” He teased with a roguish grin which earned him another punch.

“I mean what other chance am I gonna get to know how big Hisoka’s dick is?” The large man bellowed just as the door to their room opened and Nobunaga stepped in, his eyebrows raising to his hairline as he processed the statement he’d just heard.

“Wait why do you want to know how big Hisoka’s dick is?” He questioned in complete befuddlement. Machi screamed silently into the couch cushion she had been trying to suffocate herself with.

**Author's Note:**

> [You can find my tumblr here.](http://rainy-days-and-tiramisu.tumblr.com/)


End file.
